im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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