his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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