apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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