Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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