apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
How's work?
Spinning.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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