You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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