Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize