There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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