Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
