Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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