Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
