Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
