dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
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