this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
