when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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