Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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