i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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