So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
