i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
