I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
