you didnt know i had herpes?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
