If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just found puke in my bra..
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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