how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
