Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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