We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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