I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
