if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
