the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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