you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
