his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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