With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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