Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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