similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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