You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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