Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
