How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
This baby is an asshole
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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