you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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