The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
