Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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