I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
