thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
this will be a night to untag.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
