I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
