i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
