just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
