i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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