I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
