Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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