I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
