It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
love makes seman taste better
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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