So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
