you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
