Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
