your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
