your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize