Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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