i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
