i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
