He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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