I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
