the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We left an ass print on the piano.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
