Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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