I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize