My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
