I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
This house was built for laser tag.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
