I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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