While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
