So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
