i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
