Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
