so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize