Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
