Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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