Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
