He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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