I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
