If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
