in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
