i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
