Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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