I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
