Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
