I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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