THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
