i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
