You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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