If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i wish my penis had a tongue
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
