Can i not drive my cunt home
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize