google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
