I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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