I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
