she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
