Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
