good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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