your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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