Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
