her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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