Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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