We won't sleep together?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
