It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize