You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
