I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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