how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
