So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
