You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
