i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
