I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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