god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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