Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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